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My favorite American Idol Finale Moments.

Some of my favorite Idol moments from Tuesday.

Guitar Hero



I love watching David Cook's version of this. You can tell he plays the guitar- and that he has SEEN the movie. That he wore the briefs- cause you know- you GOTTA rock the briefs with this.
Archie?? Well I get this very creepy, "pedophilic" feeling watching him. And he's in boxers, whatever, and you can tell he does NOT play guitar. Does his dad even let him PAY Guitar Hero??

The Letter



I really look forward to what both of these two have in store. I also found this on YouTube from the Ellen show. One. Amazing. I can't wait to see these guys on tour. Michael Johns was the other guy I voted for all season.

Last Name



Wow, didn't she look great??

George Michael montage, and GEORGE MICHAEL



Michael John's singing the first verse and David Cook singing the last verse of Father Figure is a panty dropper for me, baby. And you know, I love George Michael. He sounded a bit "unlike him" but still- true love lasts forever. This is one of my all time favorite songs- ever.

The Win.

Yeah- we've all seen it. I admit it- I screamed, and then I cried.




It's hard for me to say exactly what it is about this guy that has struck such a chord in me, perhaps it was his songs, perhaps it was the fact that his voice sort of settles into the back of my spine the way very few singers do. Perhaps it's that he seems like a genuinely humble and grateful guy. Maybe it's just the bartender thing. I pray he's not an addict of sorts, because if he was, well then there would be no question why I like him. Either way, I can't wait to see him on the Idol Tour. And yes, I'm going. July 7th.

No more Ms. Niceguy

The e-husband has a car. It's a 94 Thunderbird. It's been a decent car since we've had it.
Nobody drives it though- because the e-husband is, on MOST DAYS- not well enough to drive. The belt is funky. I think it's installed WRONG, so it slips off- or it wears quickly- rendering the car nonoperable. As far as I know, there isn't anything else wrong with it- and really I don't care. I pay the insurance on it every month- and the registration- and all the damn parking tickets he gets and doesn't tell me about.

It's another source of contention.

We were going to sell it in December, but the guy backed out. Actually, he got fired. So anyway- my neighbor has been asking about it. I have let the e-husband handle it, but really, he's not handling it. He doesn't handle things well, if ever. So the neighbor asked me today what I wanted for it.

I said, "Well he wants $1300- and we can fix the belt and all that- but really- I say $1000 as is and we just be done with the fucking thing." That's how I feel. I just want out from under it. I don't feel good about him driving. I will still have to pay the $40 registration and $140 in tickets that are on it. I may tell see if my neighbor will be willing to pay for the smog, I will pay for the registration and give him my parking sticker (a coveted item here). $1000 and it's done and over with.

I know he will be mad for me making a deal without him- but you know, fuck it. I am sick of paying for the insurance- the registrations, and worrying about him driving. He really should not be driving. And it's MY car. It's registered to me. It's insured to me. Really he can't say much about it. I try not to be that person, that bitch who says, "Too bad for you, a-hole." But you know- he knows that it's a losing battle to argue with the person who holds all the cards.

When we talked about it last week, the e-husband said, "So we are going to sell my car so you can go to New York?" I stared at him for about 10 seconds and calmly said, "No- we are going to sell MY car, so I can pay the bills on my own while I use my PAYCHECK to go to New York."

Are you fucking kidding me??

I'm done

Anxiety, worry, care, concern, solicitude. These nouns refer to troubled states of mind.

Does that really say 5 days?? Holy shit.

I find myself somewhat frozen with fear. I can't explain it. It's like I have planned for a very long time to scale a mountain- and I'm just below the summit. I can see it and suddenly I have to pee and I wonder if I should go back so I don't pee my pants and ruin my new boots.

For those of you who know me, you knew this moment of dread was coming for me. Where is the other shoe and how much noise is it going to make when it drops?? What is standing in the way of me finishing is one essay question that I can't even get wrong because it's ethics and there is no right or wrong. It's taken me two weeks to finish two questions. I did one last night at 2AM It's due tonight. Why am I waiting to finish it?

The e-husband said, "Just get it done. Finish it for fucks sake. What are you afraid of?"

nothing. and everything.

People are asking- so what are you going to do now?

DO? I have to DO something?? Suddenly I am thrust into this "now that you are all grow'ed up- what do you want to be?" scenario. My brother is looking up government/ better paying jobs for me. My boss wants me to present things at meetings. My kids want me to plan summer vacations. The e-husband wants quality time. Me? I just want to run away. I want to scream, "Ok- I did it. Life- get better ok?" Mr. Better Days show up and bring Mr. Career Opportunity with you ok, my dues- they are paid. I have receipts. I've been hitting the Xanax for the past three days- and a few hits of something else. My anxiety and blood pressure is up and I hate this about myself.

Just spaz down right? Be happy. Be proud of yourself. Stop being such a god damn mother fucking drama queen and "sit down and chill the fuck out" (as sung by D-man in his song, "Used to be a punk rocker, but now you're just a dick").

Why do I feel like life is just about to get harder?? What the fuck is the matter with me? Where did I pick up this bill of sale for "damaged goods" that comes with the added benefit of feeling as if the thought of life getting easier is just asking for trouble?

Captain Xanax? Captain Xanax to home base? Come in, Captain.

Half Nekkid Finals

One more week. One more paper. One more test. I'm so over this.

I think I should be able to just pay money and bypass my finals, don't you think??

They don't call me a bitch for nothing!!

There are moments in peoples lives that deserve recognition. There are times when people truly need to be acknowledged for their accomplishments or have people share in their joy. When you are a friend, you need to know what these moments are- and show up for them. Suit up and show up- no excuses.

My friend Jennifer is getting married. She and I worked together for many years and have remains friends since I have moved on. More email and text message friends, but still friends. I have been planning to go to this wedding. No reason not to go to this wedding. I'm so thrilled for her wedding. Her fiance is a great guy- she's a great girl. I have every reason to believe this will be a marriage that sticks. Her wedding is coming up- the weekend before my graduation. For this reason, I did not invite her to my graduation, cause she'll be out of town. Makes sense.

This morning, I called my friend, Christine, my date, to confirm that she was going to come with me to the wedding.

Christine called me back and informed me that the wedding... was yesterday. Um.... no it wasn't, it's next weekend.

Christine reminded me that she and Jennifer work together- and she is certain that the wedding, was yesterday.

Oh shit.
Holy shit.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

I looked at my calendar. Jen's wedding May 24th. I looked at the invitation.

May 17th!!

WHAT THE HELL! How did I get this wrong? I spoke to her a few weeks ago. She sent me a SECOND invite with directions cause I told her I could not find the first one. I have her picture on my fridge. I have a babysitter scheduled for the 24th!! Is it possible that I have fucked this is up so completely and proved to be the biggest ASSHOLE friend I can possibly be?

Not only is it possible, it's true.

FUCK CRAP SHIT DAMN IT!!!!

Christine tried to tell me that I've got alot going on, with graduation and finals and all that. However, I don't buy that. I fucked up. I didn't play close enough attention. There's no good excuse. Only one really shitty one. I got the date wrong. It's not even an excuse, it's a lousy explanation.

Suit up and show up. Follow through and be the kind of person who does what she says she's gonna do. Really, it's not that hard. There's no excuse. I'm so sorry Jen. I understand if you are angry with me. I deserve it.

But I really really am sorry.

Three drinks later.... happy HNT

I look pretty good after a few drinks.

In honor of this weeks theme, I had three. Don't you think I look pretty??

Two weeks.

Two weeks people. Graduation in two weeks. It so surreal I want to throw up.

A few things have changed. I'm putting off grad school until September. It wasn't a choice really, just the way certain things have to happen. I've also decided to stay in my current major which is Health Care Adminsitration INSTEAD of public health. NOT that I'm not interested in public health, but I think I'm more passionate about patient care and what I'm doing now, and I think a Masters in Health Care Administration will be more in line with where my experience is building. It seems smarter to work my experience, and experience my work- you know??

So I will have three months off of school and while I suspect I'm going to get bored around mid July- I think I'll survive it.

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up my cap and gown. I have 1 final exam next wednesday and 3 papers and a professional portfolio to put together by Monday.

Hey, can you see that?? At the end of the tunnel. RIGHT THERE!!!

IT'S THE FUCKING LIGHT!!!!

the strangest thing is happening on my way to work

I'm getting there early....

I noticed it last week while on my way to work. I could not text because I was driving too fast. (Yes, I SAID that). I made a phone call instead of sending the text and said, "It's tuesday right? Because I'm driving fast enough for it to be a Saturday!" I looked ahead and there was no traffic. I mean- not a lot of cars going at a good speed, but like 15 cars, where I normally see 100.

Yes, it was in fact Tuesday- at 8:10 AM. I thought maybe it was a weird fluke. However I have noticed every day that I am getting to work a few minutes early. Even though I leave at the exact same time every day- after the Bell Rings at Gabriel's school. Tonight I drove to South Orange County, which is about 20 miles in the other direction that I drive to work now (In NORTH Orange County). However, south was the way I drove to work for 10 years. I am used to driving South- and those 20 miles taking me anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes. Tonight- at 5:45PM- it took 25 minutes.

Um what the hell is going on???

Tonight on the news they said that traffic is lighter due to gas prices and unemployment. Well I'll be damned. Gas prices are about $3.80 in my neighborhood, which is LESS expensive than the neighborhood South of where I live in South Orange County. Finally, gas prices are high enough to make us California folks get out of our fucking cars! Who thought it was possible?

My mothers day

consisted of the following:

• coffee
• gift from Gabe (handmade bookmark)
  
• writing
• sleep
• more coffee
  
• TV
  
• more sleep
• more coffee
  
• more TV
• Coldstone Creamery
• gift from Danny (decorated Coozie)
  
• TV- First Wives Club
  
• writing
  
• pizza
• TV- Bringing Down the House
• more sleep TBA

I may be missing a few points of sleep or TV in there, but you get the idea.

Hope your day was equally fantastic.
Happy Mothers Day!!